Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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