omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
