Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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