My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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