so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
