he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
