Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
