I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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