Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
