At least make sure they are 18
Why
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
