I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
