Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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