I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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