I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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