She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
