Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
