I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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