I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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