just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
