i think my mom watched the whole time
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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