I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
