why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
