Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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