I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
