When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
