her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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