That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
