i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
