Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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