im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
