i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
