I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
