talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
