do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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