dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
