She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
