Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
how does that bad decision feel?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
