She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
