saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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