never play flip cup with pint glasses
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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