For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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