I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If I die, sorry about rent.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
