I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
