I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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