I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So many bounce houses so little time
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
