Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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