Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
