i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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