he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just found a bag of teeth...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
