That's intense
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
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