Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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